Confessions Of A Marketing Addict

The Halloween That Was

2009-11-03T09:22:00.003+08:00

The Halloween That Was

The long weekend that was All Souls' and All Saints' Day came to pass.

Amazingly, I was not busy. The storm, Santi, made sure most marketing activities for the weekend were either cancelled or postponed. Cemeteries got flooded and were muddy. People were not in the mood to trick or treat because of the unpredictable weather.

And so I found myself with nothing to blog about, marketing-wise.

I finally watched Kimmy Dora. Not as hilarious as I expected but I think that's because I had the...er...not so authentic version. Okay, fine! It was a pirated copy I borrowed from my neighbor. At least, I didn't buy it myself. There's a happy thought.

My car got vandalized. Some dude drunk from Halloween revelry decided to take his anger out on my side mirror. Howell. Life. Some things like a smashed side mirror - you simply let them slide.

A guy I used to hang out with (in my opinion, I was NOT dating him) got in touch with me for some marketing consultation about some business his wife wants to put up.

Hmmm...but didn't she take great delight before in pointing out to me that she has an illustrious MBA from some prestigious grad school somewhere out there? What's she doing asking me for marketing advice? After all, didn't she used to think that I was a moron for declining the trophy wife life her hubby offered to me THRICE before he offered it to her ONCE?

If I had accepted the offer, you would not be having the life you have now, dear. So, perhaps, it is in your best interests to stop being a patronizing, condescending b*tch to me lest I decide to take back what was originally mine. How's that for a wake up call? Just be glad I said no THRICE and shut up.

In how many paragraphs and languages must I repeatedly state that I love my life just the way it is? I chose this life because this is the life I wanted, want and will always want. I do not feel bad at all that I am single nor do I feel unwanted because I have chosen not to date anyone. The operative word being "chosen."

I am married to my marketing career and I am happy being married to a career that, I also know, will never love me back. Now, go away and leave me alone.

So did I give the marketing advice I was being asked for? Of course, I did. Why would I begrudge someone my expert marketing advice if they asked for it? I've been blessed with so many wonderful things, the least I can do is be generous with my brains which, by the way, would not have been this brilliant (no, I am not humble at all- hahaha!) if God did not give it to me in the first place.

Anyway, I find it funny that some marketing experts can charge their fees with the speed of taxi meters. They dispense 2 sentences of marketing advice (that can be Googled for anyway if one just has the patience to Google) and voila! There goes your pancreas.

COME ON, PEOPLE! It's just an opinion, for heaven's sakes! You're not being asked to conceptualize an entire marketing campaign.

Marketing experts are a dime a dozen. Some just happen to be better at marketing themselves which is how they ended up dominating the blogosphere.

But just because they market themselves better doesn't mean their marketing advice is better and unique. Some can just be lazy preferring to watch pirated videos instead of blogging about achievements and successes.

Marketing concepts remain the same no matter how many vowels or consonants you use to make it sound new. The difference simply lies in how each marketing expert's brain is wired.

In the hands of a gifted marketing strategist, a simple marketing concept can sound genius but it doesn't put the concept in the same league as the Law of Gravity. We don't get a lot of Einsteins and Newtons in marketing, sorry.

So if someone asks for your marketing opinion, will you just give the damn opinion without holding his liver for ransom? It's not as if you're giving them the launch codes for a missile attack.

Sidebar: However, if he comes with a b*tch wife, by all means hold the b*tch wife's liver hostage. (Well, of course, I can be petty. I'm only human, you know.)

Me? I like to think of these instances as opportunities to hone my marketing thinking. The more my brains get picked, the sharper it becomes, the better I am at my job. When I am better at my job, I get more clients. Ka-ching!

Generosity is never a bad thing.

Photo credit: Anotherfort from Zazzle.com

RIP, Eric?

2009-10-30T21:56:00.006+08:00

RIP, Eric?

Waaaah. My beloved Sony Ericsson K310i is about to rest in peace. Waaaah.

I don't care if it's an old model. I love this phone. It fits into my jeans pocket snugly.

Plus, I have many, many happy memories with it. Now, it's conking out. Why oh why?! Didn't we promise to love each other till death do us part?! How can you die so soon and so...now?

I'm going to go to the Fix-it shop and see if they can still breathe new life into it. I don't care what all the techno-geeks say. I want this particular phone. Period.

Don't leave me, Eric!

I love you with a love that is more than love...me and my Eric. (My thanks to Edgar Allan Poe for allowing me to butcher his famous Annabel Lee.)

Photo credit: skymobilezone.wordpress.com

The Starbucks Experience: Excellent Customer Service

2009-10-30T21:40:00.005+08:00

The Starbucks Experience:
Excellent Customer Service

The other day, I arrived quite early at Makati Shangrila for my meeting.

Yes, you read it right. I arrived early. Okay, now slowly exhale. Close your mouth or the flies will come in. Start breathing normally. Breathe in, breathe out. Don't rush or you will hyperventilate.

I arrived early. Get over it. Not knowing what to do with myself, I walked over to the nearby Starbucks for my java fix. No, the coffee is not good at Shangrila. I know this through my many, many toilet visits after a cup of brewed coffee from their coffee shop.

I ordered for a vanilla frappucino and walked over to the magazine rack as I waited for my iced blended coffee. Suddenly, I noticed the guy behind me picking up his java. Hello! Wasn't I ahead of him? Yes, I was. Then, what's he doing walking away with his tall cappuccino while I'm holding last month's Tatler magazine instead of my venti vanilla frap?

I called one of the baristas and asked about my coffee. That's when they realized they had forgotten mine. My usual grumpy self would have bitched about it. But, it was only 8am and only a few days before Halloween. Some things we do not do at 8am a few days before Halloween lest we will know how the Salem witches felt while being burned alive.

On my way out, the shift manager approached me and asked if I was the customer whose coffee they had forgotten to serve promptly. I harrumphed my answer and Grumpy suddenly got a pleasant surprise.

"Ma'am, we apologize for the inconvenience. Please accept this gift certificate as part of our apology and we hope you will have a more pleasant experience next time you visit us."

I finally realized why my damn coffee always costs a fortune and it isn't only because of the extra whip cream.

That, ladies and gents, is called excellent customer service.

No questions, no excuses, no long-winded explanations, nothing. Just an admission of their mistake and an outright apology along with a gift certificate to convey their sincerity. Note that it was a gift certificate for any product of your choice, not some crappy GC worth only P50.00.

The Starbucks experience didn't end there.

Later in the afternoon, I picked up another venti vanilla frap to soothe my frazzled nerves. I remembered my GC and asked if they would honor it at this particular branch since the GC had originated from a different store. Yes, they sure did.

I chose the strawberries and cream frappucino for Angel. Tall.

You know what the Starbucks people told me? "Ma'am, it's free anyway so why don't we just make it a venti instead of just tall? That way, you really get to enjoy the product."

I don't know about you but I've decided to stay with Starbucks and finally stop my continuing adventures with other coffee shops.

Photo credit: Nijntjee's Flickr Photostream

Social Networking Etiquette In A Corn Field

2009-10-26T00:55:00.005+08:00

Social Media Etiquette In A Corn Field

Having spent many hours blocking people from my FB, I think I've earned the right to make my own social media etiquette. Otherwise, my eye doctor will never forgive me for sacrificing my eyesight in vain.

Rule #1: Do not stalk people.

Not only is it in bad taste but it is also a criminal offense. People, it is a crime, crime and C-R-I-M-E to stalk others.

Rule #2: Who your Significant Other, children, parents or pets connect to is an issue between yourself and them.

Please, for the love of God, do not harass some unsuspecting creature just because she is connected to your husband on a social networking site. If you must harass someone, you should be harassing him. For all you know, she was simply being polite to him and, therefore, accepted the request to connect.

You're probably the only one on earth who thinks he’s the next best thing to sliced bread. Cease and desist from being delusional and overly ambitious before you humiliate yourself any further.

Rule #3: Do not connect to people out of sheer politeness.

F*ck politeness if you know he or she sleeps with a certified psychotic creep. It is a guarantee your life will become a living hell. I know. I am the moron who was too polite to say no and look where it got me – the ultimate stalker's magnet.

Rule #4: Connect for the right reasons.

If your guts tell you to deny the request, do so. It's probably because your guts can smell trouble a billion bytes away.

If you are going to connect to someone you had a past with, ask yourself first if the world will explode if you don't. Do not call for the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse by sending out a connection request to your ex.

Rule #5: Do not harvest other people's friend list.

That's just tacky especially when these people don't know you from the Serpent of Eden. I've had friends complaining about some of my FB friends who connected to them for no reason. It's embarrassing trying to stutter some coherent reply to reassure them that, no, my friend is not a psycho. He just had too much coffee this morning.

We harvest corn; we do not harvest friends' lists.

Rule #6: If you connect to a stranger for networking purposes, exercise good manners by first sending a private message explaining why you're connecting to them.

Since mental telepathy is not a talent I was born with, I do not know why you would want to connect to me.

Oh. Because you're also in marketing? If all the marketers of the planet were connected on Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg would now be undergoing trial at Salem.

Rule #7: Do not spam your connections with your products or services.

I rarely hawk my marketing services online. It is enough that people know I'm a marketing consultant, ergo, The Marketing Girl. There is no need for me to beat them on the head with it.

Do I still get clients even if I don't peddle my wares? Yes. Because this blog tells them I have marketing brains. 'Nuff said.

If you build your reputation well, you do not need to abduct anyone to go to the Iowa corn field. They will do so with or without Kevin Costner and his ghost ballplayers.

Social networking is a fun way of meeting new people, making more friends and gaining new clients or business partnerships. It stops being that when some people forget to visit their therapist. Or ate too much okra.

Trolls Are Not Welcomed Here

2009-10-26T00:47:00.004+08:00

Trolls Are Not Welcomed Here

My Facebook was really intended for my global clients and business friends. It was a chance for my business associates and clients to view me as a human being, not some marketing android come to blight the earth with her presence.

Last year, however, Filipino presence on FB spiked. So it was that I found myself getting friend requests from school friends, relatives and people who were very, very dim dots in my memory.

I accepted these requests with a lot of paranoia and trepidation. After all, I am a stalker magnet. And I was not disappointed.

No matter how tight my security settings were, ex-boyfriends still found me on mutual friends' FB. That, of course, meant their marauding girlfriends and Significant Others could see me even if they couldn't access my data. Very annoying, I tell 'ya.

Close on their heels are the equally psychotic creatures who reside in the periphery of my working life. Their sole joy in life seems to be making sure mine is miserable by regularly monitoring whatever the hell I do on my FB.

Correction: They are not interested in what I do with my life per se. They are simply interested to know if I interact with their men aka communicate. Sigh. What very sad, misguided creatures, really.

HENIWEY.

I finally got sick and tired of these trolls lurking on my FB when I saw an ex on a mutual friend's FB.

Oh dear God. Let me guess. His severely retarded wife (who hates me because my ex decreed I should be their child's godmother) is also on FB. Of course, she is.

Clearly, it is time to block another looong set of people from my FB.

That's how I found myself practically going cross-eyed as I doggedly scanned the friend list of my friends who may just know an ex or another troll.

As of this moment, I've blocked more than 20 people. 20 and steadily increasing. If this goes on, I'll deactivate the damned FB account.

Social media, I realized, is fun and helpful only when your life is not overpopulated by trolls. Since mine is, I am now tempted to disappear online for good. Except I can’t. My career will die a very unceremonious death and no troll or zombie is just worth that agony.

These trolls are out of control. I strongly recommend they get a life.

Photo credit: Prometheus_012

Hmmm...

2009-10-24T23:34:00.005+08:00

Hmmm...

Why don't I like the DOT's new video for its Take Me To The Philippines campaign? Let me count the ways.

First, what brilliant mind thought a Giling Girl will actually enhance the image of the Philippines in a foreigner's mind? All it does is reinforcing the notion that our biggest export is our women. And, yes, because we are the land of mail order brides, you really should come here to get your very own Giling Girl.

Second, why oh why are we using computer graphics? It does not even begin to convey the Philippines' wide array of incredible natural resources.

Third, there is just way too much of Apl de Ap on that video and not enough of his birth country. I'm nitpicking but he looked like a fly with those shades. Them shades were very upsetting. Yes, dear, we know you are an award-winning Grammy artist and the giant shades are very Grammy's but really. The video is not supposed to be selling you. It's supposed to sell the Philippines.

Sad really because Apl de Ap's endorsement pull was put to waste. In the hands of a gifted creative director like David Guerrero, that would have been another stroke of advertising genius like David's unforgettable Wow Philippines series.

Fourth, the message was not clear. Maybe because all I could hear was the melody of the song? All those synthesizers and thingamajigs.

Admittedly, the editing was funky. I liked that part. But, overall, it failed in its goal: selling the Philippines.

Ultimately, all advertising and marketing materials are supposed to do that: sell something. To get there, however, we must first have a coherent, cohesive, strategic, efficient and effective marketing plan. There, I've used up all the words on Thesaurus. My English professor would be very proud of me.

Don't get me wrong. I laud the DOT's efforts in pushing the country's tourism goals. We just need to think and plan more strategically is what I'm saying.

We should have continued the original Wow Philippines campaign with those amazing TVCs from David Guerrero. Those TVCs did what they were supposed to do - sell. Everything was just crystal clear - from the tagline to the scoring to the video. Beautiful, efficient, effective and strategic. Eye loveeet!

Speaking of tourism efforts - I love Colombia’s tagline: the only risk is in wanting to stay.

We all know what Colombia's notorious international image is. The Colombians themselves know it and I'm sure all their friendly neighborhood drug lords also know it. So they dealt with the main image problem at hand by confronting it. Voila! The risk is in staying, not being gunned down by warring drug lords and their henchmen. Goodbye, Jack Ryan.

The video is not the most amazing, I know. But when you see through it that Medellin is actually a place of fashion and people do walk around Bogota sans baby armalites - the video succeeded in conveying a message that tackled the problem head on. And may I just say that the Spanish language never sounded this sexy?

I thought that last touch with the man saying the tagline ala The Godfather was a really cool and humorous way of addressing the issue.

Sometimes, it doesn't always have to be the most amazing, mind-boggling award winning video. There are very few David Guerreros in this world and I highly doubt his mother can replicate him.

The important thing in any marketing or advertising material is to bring the message out in a manner that your target market would understand and grasp.

My Very Own Parol

2009-10-24T22:30:00.003+08:00

My Very Own Parol

I finally have a parol!!!

I always wanted one except I couldn't afford it. Seriously. I never realized these things cost a fortune!

A few years ago, I asked one of the several parol vendors on Buendia about the price of one parol. The Coke Light I was drinking immediately shot out of my nose.

P5,000?! ARE YOU ON DRUGS?! It's a freakin' lantern, for the love of God, not the Star of David!

Parol vendor wouldn't budge. He gave me a crummy P50.00 discount. What am I going to do with that? Buy hopia to go with the remains of my Coke Light now wonderfully dripping out of my nostrils?!

Today, I got one from a client. Whee! He asked me what I really wanted for Christmas and I said a parol. If he gave me another bottle of wine, I'll poke his eye with a wine opener.

Client thought I was kidding. No, I was not. I want a parol. I cannot be Filipino and not have a parol during Christmas.

Every Christmas, I look at my neighbor's houses longing for a parol. I have parols at home but not the Pampanga parol. And I wanted a Pampanga parol.

Santa Client gave me one. It's not so huge because I didn't want the parol to drown my entire balcony. People might start to believe I actually live inside the lantern. I've already got way too much urban legends about me, I cannot have another one lest I end up on Scopes.com.

I love Pampanga parols. They're so bright and colorful. Christmas time, Angel and I always like standing on one end of the SLEX-Buendia Highway where all the parols are. We just stare at the twinkling lights.

Parols, without fail, make me believe again and again in the magic of Christmas. And, on that note...

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!!

Photo credit: IRRI Newsletter

The Marketing Girl Is A Very Busy Bumblebee

2009-10-24T22:18:00.004+08:00

The Marketing Girl Is A Very Busy Bumblebee

Of course, my blog has been eerily silent again. Life has been spectacularly busy. I prefer to use spectacularly because if I don't, I fear I shall slash my wrists with a peeler.

There was the super typhoon, Ondoy (international name: Parma). Sigh. I don't want to re-live my 12 hours of horror inside my car amidst rushing and swirling flood waters. I survived. That's the most important thing, Gloria Gaynor said so.

I have a new stalker but then what else is new? I always get stalked. Some people are just born insane and psychotic. It's why my mother has a successful career as a psychiatrist. Having been victimized by stalkers in all shapes and sizes for many years now, I've come to the conclusion that stalkers are like fungi. We need them for the food chain to survive.

There was also a controversy spanning several continents where yours truly had the unwitting role of Best Supporting Actress. What can I say? I'm very global. No clue either how I figured in the controversy. Maybe I sleep walked, who knows.

And, naturally, my hectic life will not come full circle if work does not get in the way of living. Clients will be clients. Suppliers will be suppliers. My life will not be complete without one or both having a major coronary every 10 seconds for some reason or another. The emergency room was invented with my life in mind.

For the nth time, it's the recession, folks. We do what we can to survive it.

Unfortunately, The Marketing Girl cannot leap tall buildings in a single bounce. I tried but my fat ass just wouldn't bounce to the occasion.

It's that time of the year so, yes, expect the posts to be less frequent.

My multitasking skills are severely limited right now to budgets, forecasts and revenues. As is my annoying habit at this time of the year, I am wonderfully confused again with the currency my Excel files require. Somehow, the euro, dollar and peso have metamorphosed into something hideous: a question mark.

P.S. It wouldn't be me if I wasn't confused several times in one day, hello.

Sometimes, I question why I didn't just choose to be a secretary. Or call center agent. Wouldn't my life be simpler if I wasn't the ambitious brat that I am? Wouldn't my life be quieter if I just had the sense not to insist on ruling the world?

Perhaps, if I did, I'd be married now with 10 children. Oh dear God.

So. In conclusion, I just want to say I have not abandoned any ship. I'm just having trouble getting my schedules to behave humanely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My time management skills suck.

By busy, I mean life as I know it to be including Le Debut has screeched to a halt to give way to budgets, forecasts and business reviews.

Indeed, 'tis that time of the year.

Photo credit: The KJ4CMH Show

The Ugly Truth

2009-09-15T11:07:00.005+08:00

The Ugly Truth

While waiting for a friend, I broke a rule. I bought a new marketing book. As if I don't have enough of them already. Sigh.

Hey, the cover was nice and shiny. Plus, the first few pages grabbed my attention. So I closed my eyes and bought the damn book. It's Harry Beckwith's The Invisible Touch.

I couldn't help smiling as I was reading the first chapter where Beckwith talks about market research. That is sooo me! Me with my addiction to market research. Me with my fear of moving my fat behind without a survey to back me up.

Beckwith says, "Research does not expose the truth; it blinds us to it."

It is true, you know. I don't know about you but 8 out of 10 times that I conduct a market research study, I do so to confirm my own biases. It's the know-it-all in me.

Of course, I did not come upon that startling realization until Mr. Beckwith came along. So in the event my marketing career dies an unceremonious death, I intend to put the blame squarely on Mr. Beckwith and his book.

Pre-Invisible Touch, I would have bludgeoned anyone to death for daring to suggest I was doing that. Mr. Beckwith, I am happy to report, has not been bludgeoned to death by me. He is, in fact, living a happy, healthy life in Minnesota where he has a thriving marketing career.

I often thought I conducted market research to point me in the right direction. Of course, that still holds true sans Harry Beckwith. Except, now, I am aware that, sometimes, I could be conducting market research for reasons that have nothing to do with marketing but everything to do with my ego as a marketer.

When I find myself arguing with a client who insists on launching a product that would best serve Klingons and their galactic forces, I resort to market research.

Let's find out what our customers really want through a scientific way!

Yeah, right. Actually, it's simply to prove I'm correct and everybody else is wrong. Period. End of discussion. No erase.

Often, I find myself sifting through the results to get data that only supports my own recommendations. I know, I know! I should stand trial at Nuremberg. But if we're really honest with ourselves, a lot of us are guilty of that. And we wonder why marketers are perceived by the world as spawns of Satan?!

I'm not saying we shouldn't do market research or that market research is useless. Neither is Beckwith.

I'm echoing Beckwith that we should seek understanding through market research but be careful with the data we get from it. Moreover, be careful with how we use that data.

Some dude from the dead Lehman Brothers (may their corporate souls rest in peace) said that people working on Wall Street have egos. Otherwise, they wouldn't be there. I shall paraphrase that.

Marketers have egos. Otherwise, they would not be in marketing.

Therefore, when conducting market research and analyzing the data gathered from it, it is best to park our egos somewhere. Preferably in a guarded parking lot. That way, if the stupid ego attempts to leave, the guard can shoot it.

I enjoyed Beckwith's book. Well, the first chapter, at least. I haven't gotten to Chapter 2 yet.

The last time a marketing book made me smile (yes, doubting Thomases, it is really quite possible for a boring business book to bring out a smile), it was Jeffrey Fox's How to Be a Marketing Superstar. Before that, it was Darryl Travis' Emotional Branding where he also mentioned his friend, Harry.

I am inclined to believe now that anybody who wants to write an amusing marketing book needs a friend named Harry or should go by the name Harry.

Henceforth, I shall be known as Harry.

That Marketing Personality

2009-08-25T10:16:00.003+08:00

That Marketing Personality

A usual comment I often hear about me: "She really is a marketing person."

What do you men? It's raining men, alleluia.

She's really a marketing person, ergo, not human. She's really a marketing person so expect horns to sprout out of her skull at any moment.

What, pray tell, is "really a marketing person"?

My friend, Grace, a marketing consultant herself, was once described as having an equally abrasive personality. Babalatan ka muna ng buhay before she decides to like you. (She will peel you alive first before she decides to like you.) The description was quickly followed by, "Marketing people are like that."

What "like dat"? Again, what do you men? It's raining men, alleluia.

Often, I am "politely" told that I have a very "strong" personality. Read: annoying. "That's probably why you're in marketing, Sun." Okay, I'm confused. What does "strong" personality mean? And what does that have to do with my marketing career?

I think a lot of people have preconceived notions of what marketing people are like and should be like. And marketing people, a rather sorry lot themselves, seem to revel in all those preconceived notions by not doing anything about it. Albeit, they seem to encourage that kind of misconception by shrugging their shoulders and excusing themselves as "we're in marketing." It actually seems like a badge of honor to be described as having a strong, aggressive and, frequently, abrasive personality.

Why is that? How did we get to that? Is it not remotely possible to be meek and docile and still be in marketing? Is it so impossible to be a nice girl and still be in marketing?

Yes, ladies and gents, it's one of those days where yours truly will subject you to a lot of psycho babble b.s. This is what happens to marketing consultants who have watched too many Boston Legal reruns after a string of marathon business trips.

I got to thinking about myself, a rather dangerous past time to do before breakfast.

I think the strong personality was already there when I was still a pathetic zygote. I come from the school of thought that believes that brilliant marketing strategists are born with marketing talent. True, marketing skills can be honed and sharpened to make one a decent marketing strategist. But brilliant ones? It's in their DNA.

Well, of course, I think I'm brilliant. This is my blog, you know.

This "strong personality" thing gets more enhanced and becomes blindingly obvious as you establish your marketing career. For me, it's because I always have to hold my ground against equally strong personalities.

Do you know of a CEO or COO without personality issues? Exactly. So if you do not want to be eaten alive, you better have a personality that can hold its own against those with personalities bigger than yours. And may I just say - whose voices thunder even while they whisper.

Somehow, along the way, your ego gets the better of you. As with most power jobs, you will eventually trip over your own self and start believing your own press releases.

Having been a victim of my own ego, I now take the position that, really, marketing people should try harder to be likeable. Every day doesn't always have to be spent in a war zone, you know. Not everyone is the enemy. Certainly, not all who disagree with you should be beheaded by the knave of hearts.

We take ourselves way too seriously simply because we’re marketing experts. In the words of a client, "Sunny, relax." Having observed how many fine lines I now have on my forehead, I totally agree with Client. I should relax.

So someone made a stupid suggestion. Let it go. What can you do? The poor fool is in operations, purchasing, logistics or finance. Take your pick.

So someone thinks he's better than you. Let him. Have you not heard? The truth shall prevail. He can only pretend so much before people around both of you realize he's really a complete moron. Thus, the herd shall return to you, their marketing expert, for sound advice after an oaf gave them one. Meanwhile, use this time to take that much needed vacation. Return when Rome is burning and do a Maximus. "Are you entertaaaaiiiined now, Roooome?"

We marketing experts should learn to choose our battles wisely. We should do so with as much fervor as we choose our industry niches and target markets.

It is not a bad thing to be the bigger person by letting someone else have the glory and thunder. Besides, shouldn't we be used to this by now? That everyone else gets the glory and thunder while we get all the blame?

Arrogance is never a badge of honor. The ability to rise above one's self in humility is. And, now, I need to go watch more Boston Legal reruns. I must channel Shirley Schmidt.

Photo credit: Cinescene.com

Who Are We?

2009-08-24T10:51:00.003+08:00

Who Are We?

In the recent years, the Philippines' Department of Tourism has been quite aggressive in promoting the country to local and foreign tourists. A lot of simultaneous marketing programs are going on to boost the country's tourism industry.

While I find it all good, I just have this teeny, tiny concern: the DOT marketing campaigns are all over the place.

One day, the Philippines is the medical tourism hub of Asia. The next day, it's the adventure and eco-tourism capital. Recently, it's the retirement destination with the government offering special visas for those wanting to retire in the Philippines.

Even provinces are quite chaotic in their marketing message. Some are adventure destinations-slash-convention capital-slash-something whatever.

People, you cannot be everything to everyone. That's elementary marketing and one the DOT should know by now.

There are 7,100 islands in our beautiful archipelago, let's not stash everything in only one place, ok? Can you just all sit down and make up your minds who gets what and how?

If one is already an adventure destination, let's not use it on another. I'm not saying you shouldn't use adventure at all just because one province is already doing it. I'm saying own another position. Unless, of course, the Philippines simply wants to be known as an adventure destination. In which case, all the islands should position themselves as an adventure destination.

Clearly, that's not what we want.

Our country has many things to offer to tourists and we want to sell all of these. But we can't sell anything if our target market is just so confused on what it is we're really selling. We cannot just dump every single position known to man on one province and expect our target market to still understand us. Destination marketing and nation branding is not a buffet, you know.

We should clearly identify who we are as a nation first. Then, work our way to our provinces.

Brand Channel discusses how Switzerland is protecting its brand value as a nation. It would do our DOT people a lot of good if they read the article. Gives you an insight on how the Swiss value their brand positioning in today's nation branded world.

When you think of Switzerland, you associate it with watches and chocolates. You associate it with all things expensive because you know that the quality that comes out of that country is impeccable and beyond reproach. Well, maybe, not all if you consider the Swiss banks. Still.

However, when one thinks of the Philippines, you cannot pin it down on just one thing. There is no clear picture in your head on who and what the country is all about.

Hmmm...not really true as it seems that the clear picture of the international community about the Philippines is one of kidnapping terrorists.

Perhaps, the DOT should prioritize that first. Building a positive mental image of the country in the minds of the international community. And by positive, I do not mean just hyping on the natural beauty of our beaches that, by the way, are sometimes associated with drunk and stoned foreign backpackers.

The Swiss even have a brand manual. Abu Dhabi, I think, is doing one. I know that they have a government office whose primary aim is selling the Abu Dhabi brand. Forgot the office's acronym but I read about it somewhere before.

The Philippines has no brand manual. Perhaps, because we don't know what our "corporate identity" really is. We have not sat down to define it. Right now, it's just every province for himself.

It would be nice if the DOT can take the lead on this and really start working on defining who and what the Philippines is all about. From there, we can start conceptualizing a cohesive marketing campaign that will build and boost our nation's brand.

Not the way we're doing it now where we just jumped right into a campaign without any clear concept on where we're headed. It seems we launch campaigns on a prayer that the diwatas would bestow it with success.

I long for that day where when people think of the Philippines, they will have a solid, positive image in mind and one that doesn’t include bikini-clad Filipinas for sale.

Are You Ready To Work It?

2009-08-24T10:05:00.001+08:00

Are You Ready To Work It?

I cannot help but wonder what stupid crap our universities teach our fresh college graduates that they have such a condescending attitude towards entry level work.

Most of them feel as if the world owes them a cushy job just because they have a newly-minted college degree. They join the marketing work force expecting their bosses to be grateful they deigned to apply at the company. They expect their co-workers to adjust to them and treat them with kid gloves as if the idea that they would walk out of their first job is a horrible thought to their bosses.

Oh please. I'd be so damn lucky if you resign.

Most are deluded enough to think that they deserve to be junior managers immediately. As if they already learned everything there is to learn about marketing while in college. Makes you wonder if they were ever breastfed as babies.

A lot of them find it beneath them to do menial jobs. Excuse me. Even as a marketing consultant now, I still do the grunge work if there's no one around to do it. I cannot waste a client's time while I wait for Godot to fax over documents to them.

For you to be a boss, you must first learn to be a subordinate. A boss is only as good as his assistants allow him to be. For you to be an efficient and effective boss, you must first be an efficient and effective assistant.

And that begins with the right attitude.

Of course, you don't want to spend the rest of your life faxing documents. You didn't spend all that time in college just so you can have a career brewing the perfect coffee for your boss.

But the reality is that fresh graduates are really doomed to spend their first few years at work doing crappy tasks for their bosses.

Why? Because you don't know apesh*t yet, that's why!

Why would I let you handle a marketing campaign no matter how small when the only thing you know about marketing is what you learned from your ancient college professor? I wouldn't even ask you to make a simple memo because horrible things can happen to a simple memo when delusional fresh graduates (especially those who graduated with honors) get a hold of it. After all, if I can still correct memos written by older, supposedly wiser and more experienced managers, what more a memo written by an inexperienced fresh graduate?

I read an article once on the Harvard Business Review that tells fresh graduates not to bitch about their menial duties at their first jobs. The article (I forgot the title) says that fresh graduates should take this time to learn how the business works from top to bottom.

I have done my time with the fax machines. I hated it. I rebelled at the idea that some schmuck who didn't have the same educational background as moi had relegated me to the demeaning job of faxing documents for an entire afternoon.

Fortunately for me, the fax machine was located at the cubicle of the secretary of the SVP for Finance. 10,000 rolls of thermal paper later, the SVP and I became good friends.

He taught me many things about finance, none of which I understood. The most important thing I learned from him, though, is how useful it will be for me as a marketing person to get on the good side of financial bigwigs who can, with a slash of their pen, make or un-make my marketing budget.

All because I learned to swallow my ego as I spent many hours faxing documents from his office. Would I have learned what I now know about financial comptrollers and their role in my life as a marketing strategist if I had allowed my ego to get in the way? Resounding no.

When I was a Product Manager at an FMCG company, I would launch my products in the wee hours of the morning. That's the time the salesmen left to deliver the goods.
To encourage the salesmen to be attentive during my product roll-outs, I would make sure they have hot cups of coffee and filling sandwiches. Do you have any idea how long it takes to put tuna filling on a hundred sandwiches? 1 hour and 30 minutes. I know that because I made the damn sandwiches myself while my assistant made the coffee. To think I was already a PM then.

Still, those tuna sandwiches taught me what I needed to do to get the sales force to move my products. If I cannot sell it to my own sales team, I cannot sell it to my target market.

While I agree that it can be humiliating to do menial work because it's insulting to your intelligence, you have 2 choices: you try to learn something or you don't.

There is no task too small for anyone willing to learn in order to widen and sharpen their skills.

Having the right attitude, possessing humility and a willingness to learn all that you can are essential keys to jump starting your marketing career.

Si Malakas

2009-08-14T12:28:00.010+08:00

Malakas, The Ilocano Version

Words fail me.

Lito Sy is an amazing photographer. But, sometimes, what can you do when clients are delusional, right?

Photo Credit: Lito Sy

Customer Service That Warms The Heart

2009-08-14T11:20:00.002+08:00

Customer Service That Warms The Heart

The thing about being a marketing consultant is that you know what customer service is all about. At least, any marketing consultant worth the title should. And because you know it, you demand - note: demand, not expect - it from businesses where you are now the customer.

That, boys and girls, is how I became the ultimate Customer from Hell. Because it is an occupational hazard for which I strongly believe my insurance should cover.

Yet, while I can be that, I do have a cache of wonderful customer service stories that I hold near and dear to my jaded customer's heart.

Once, on an overnight business trip, I stayed at a hotel that didn't provide free Wifi access. However, they sold prepaid Wifi cards. Unfortunately, they ran out of 1-hour prepaid cards by 2am. I was leaving on the first flight the following day so buying a 6-hour prepaid Wifi card was out of the question.

What did Microtel do? They simply allowed me access to the hotel's Wifi account. When I asked them about the Wifi charging, they informed me that it was free because it wasn't my fault that they ran out of 1-hour prepaid Wifi cards. I could use the Wifi for as long as I wanted free of charge.

Therefore, I strongly recommend staying at Microtel for quick business trips because they understand the needs of a business traveler.

At Flapjacks in Greenbelt, a giant fly suddenly dove into my salad. Obviously, this was a very misguided fly who thought I was giving him permission to share my chicken strips. I had the staff remove my plate and simply said that a fly landed on my salad.

Flapjacks immediately sent me a replacement of the salad I had ordered. I declined because I wasn't really up to eating anymore. Again, without my saying anything, Flapjacks wrapped up my salad and handed it to me on a Take Out bag.

Not the best restaurant in the area but if only for good customer service, one must visit Flapjacks.

I bank at Chinabank and I totally love the people there. From the main office down to the branch where my account is held, everyone is uber-fantastic. I always feel a sense of family whenever I call the bank to ask about my account.

"Ay, Ma'am! Ikaw pala. Hindi ko nakilala boses mo." (Ma'am, it's you. Didn't recognize your voice.)
"Nasa byahe ka, Ma'am? Hindi ka namin nakikita lately e." (Are you traveling right now? We haven't seen you lately.)

When I run into some issues with foreign currencies coming in to my account, Chinabank takes care of it all with the least bother to me. Sometimes, they don't even charge me anymore for some SWIFT messages they send on my behalf to European banks whenever some remittances encounter routing problems between Europe and the Philippines.

Get baaaack, BIR people!!!

I don't earn that much. I'm merely mentioning foreign currencies because duh. How else will global clients pay me if not in the currency of their own country?

East West Bank is the bank that takes care of my condo unit. Everyone at the Pasong Tamo Extension branch is just lovely. Whenever I step inside the bank, the staff takes the time to ask me about my day and Angel. I don't feel like I'm just another statistic to them.

They recently celebrated their branch's anniversary. They gave me and Angel a balloon each. Kyut!

Good customer service is when the business establishment makes me feel that I am a living, breathing entity. Not just another dot on their sales graphs.

I feel good when they know my name especially if I am a regular customer. I appreciate it when they ask about my day and remember little things about me no matter how trivial these are. I value places that can anticipate my needs long before I even know what they are or be able to articulate them.

Sometimes, great customer service requires a little mind reading along with the ability to analyze facial expressions and body language.

However, the quality that makes for exceptional - as opposed to simply being good or great - customer service lies in sincerity. You can read all the manuals, books and blogs that you like. But, if you do not do it sincerely, it fails to become exceptional.

It is only heartfelt sincerity that propels a business to go beyond the call of duty in order to take care of its valued customers.

The Makati Shangrila: How To Lose A Potential Customer

2009-08-13T09:38:00.003+08:00

The Makati Shangrila:
How To Lose A Potential Customer

Before I left on business, I got a phone call from Angel of Makati Shangrila that left me slightly bewildered.

From what I gathered, she's the account executive tasked to close the booking for my Angel's debut. I don't know. The woman never bothered to introduce herself properly or explain what she's doing on my phone.

In light of that odd phone call, this is what you do not do when courting a potential customer:

Do not just call your potential customer's mobile phone without first sending an SMS identifying yourself and your business. Then, ask if it's ok to call her.

The first time this Angel called, I was having lunch. She said she will call back. She never did. I, on the other hand, plowed through lunch so I could freely talk to her when she calls back. Thank you for the sudden bout of indigestion.

Do not call a potential customer without knowing anything about that customer or her needs.

Upon picking up her call, she immediately asks me if I've made up my mind to book my event there. No pleasantries, no nothing.

But that's ok. I understand sales people and I can forgive their rush.

I cannot, however, understand why she doesn't know what the event is. "Ma'am, what's the event again?" Huh?! I've been explaining my concerns with you for 10 minutes already and you're clueless about the event?!

Not contented with that mistake, she comes up with another more brilliant one. "Ma'am, when is this event?" Are you seriously kidding me?!

And to make matters worst, "Ma'am, are you the event coordinator?"

This is the Makati Shangrila Hotel, for the love of God. You would think they have trained their account executives on the basics of handling customer inquiries.

I can understand this kind of incompetence from a 2-bit hotel but a 5-star international chain hotel? The Makati Shangrila is one of Manila's most prestigious hotels and that's how their account executives handle a potential sale?

When I first went to the hotel to make inquiries, the girl there took down all the necessary event details including my contact numbers. The idea behind it is to understand the customer's needs and provide it. Perhaps, even exceed it.

Memorizing my mobile number alone and calling me is not understanding my needs or providing for it. It certainly doesn't exceed it. Why'd I even go through the agony of blabbering for a whole hour if these people are not going to listen to my event requirements and concerns?

A potential customer is more than just a number. It's not just another warm body. There is more to closing a sale than just knowing the customer's contact details. Do your homework first before you pick up that phone.

Obviously, I am not booking the event at the Makati Shangrila. If this is how they handle my inquiry, I fear how they will handle the actual event.

I'll probably get there on the day of the event wondering what a white board is doing in the middle of a function room. I'm sure brilliant Angel of the Makati Shangrila will simply reply, "You mean, Ma'am, it's a debut, not a seminar?"

Such tragic customer service skills from a 5-star hotel that should know better.

Photo Credit: Groovenet.ph

Business Etiquette For Suppliers

2009-08-11T10:17:00.002+08:00

Business Etiquette For Suppliers

I have been a beleaguered and harassed marketing consultant for weeks now because of unprofessional and inept suppliers/agencies.

So, before I completely lose my sanity, let me share some business etiquette tips for all you suppliers and freelancers out there:

Communicate with your potential client.

When a client sends you an email or SMS - for the love of God, acknowledge the damn thing.

I didn't send you that creative brief and 10,000 other important emails because I have nothing better to do with my life but email you. If I wanted to send inane emails, I assure you that you are nowhere near my Top 100 people to annoy with spam mail.

It is the height of unprofessional-ism to ignore important client instructions ESPECIALLY when the client specifically instructed you to reply. In how many ways must a client ask you to "Please reply ASAP"?

If you receive an important SMS from a client and you are in the middle of something important, acknowledge it with a simple "ok." Or, just say "Mtg now. Txt u l8r."

But, don't - as in DON'T - let the person wonder if her SMS went on a detour to the Twilight Zone. Because, then, you leave that client with no choice but to pester you until she gets a reply. I am not an SMS person so I find it extremely annoying that I must SMS the same message repeatedly until I get a reply.

My GM at Gardenia taught me that. SPU always said, "acknowledge all business messages even if only to say ok."

Even if he was tough and exacting on me, SPU taught me many things in business. It is precisely because he was tough and exacting that I learned.

Although, of course, I didn't have that feeling before whenever I spent my lunch break crying in the toilet because he screamed at me. Today, however, I am grateful to him for teaching me these things that I now bring to my own career.

If a client calls you and you cannot pick up the call, SMS to say you cannot pick up her call at the moment. "Mtg now. Kol u l8r." Will it kill you to do that?

It is exasperating when I have to call suppliers and the ringing simply goes on until I'm deaf. When I cannot pick up a call, I send a busy tone that is quickly followed by a brief SMS explaining why I cannot pick up the said call. As soon as I'm free, I call the person.

Do not discuss important matters over SMS.

Pick up the phone and call your client. It is in bad form to discuss billings over SMS. If you have the temerity to charge me an arm and a leg for your services, I'm sure you can afford to pay for mobile calls.

If you refuse to spend for mobile phone calls, perhaps, you should be doing something else other than being a supplier.

It is even worse form when you SMS your client to please call you on your mobile. Or make a long distance call. You're charging me 5-6 digits and you still expect me to shoulder all communications cost? Did your mother drop you as a baby?!

Send that cost estimate NOW.

When a client asks you to submit a project cost estimate, do not dawdle if you are interested in the project. Even if you're not interested but you are in desperate need of income, all the more you shouldn't dawdle.

It is severely irritating when I have to keep running after suppliers to send me their formal quotations. The client's obligation is to reply to your CE, not follow up on its submission. Didn't your mother teach you that, too?

Before you take on a diva attitude, remember this: there are 10 million other suppliers around the world who can provide the same, if not, better service than you. The client will be able to find other suppliers if you persist in giving her a hard time with the CE submission. If you can't even send a CE on time, what does that say about your ability to finish the project?

Do not be a diva even if you are one.

You and I are not indispensable. We are not irreplaceable. There are other marketing consultants who are better than me and so with you. There are other suppliers who can provide better service at cheaper rates and at speeds that would make Flash Gordon dizzy.

If you are a multi-awarded photographer, creative director or whatever - trust me, there are those with more prestigious awards and, yet, are far humbler than you. Humility is not a sign of weakness. It is a position of strength.

It would do you well to remember that before you use your awards to excuse your boorish behavior. There is just no room for bad manners in a supplier. After all, you are not the only gifted child God created.

At the end of the day, a client is a client is a client. It is they who provide us with healthy bank accounts.

Do not forget your place in the circle of life.

The Philippines Facebooks And Tweets

2009-08-10T08:54:00.003+08:00

The Philippines Facebooks And Tweets

I'm having very deep issues with my Facebook.

I remember when I first joined Facebook, I couldn't. The Philippines was not on the list. When it finally opened to the world and his wife, there was only a handful of Filipinos on it.

My Facebook then only had 10 friends, all were foreigners. It gave me a severe insecurity crisis. The fact that I only had 10 friends, that is.

I remember how I hounded my cyber network to please, pretty puh-leeze, open a Facebook account so I wouldn't look like Hannibal Lecter's long lost daughter. My 10 friends remained at 10 for almost 2 years. I was almost ready to go into therapy.

At that time, the entire Philippine population was hooked on Friendster. What can I say? The notorious Filipino time transcends even onto cyber space. Didn't you know? We're always 300 years behind trends.

I had always planned my Facebook to be for my global friends, clients and business associates only. It was my way of showing them my personal side. It was me telling them, no, The Marketing Girl is not an android. Look! I have pictures!

I had planned as well that I would only open my Facebook to Filipinos if they were clients or business associates. At that time, I could only count my Filipino clients on one hand and none had Facebook. They didn't even know what it was.

And so it was that my Facebook remained only for the global community I moved in.

One day, I woke up and my neighbors had discovered it. My high school friends were on it. Even my local barangay tanod has Facebook now.

Facebook reunited me with old friends and that made for a pleasantly nostalgic experience.

But that's not my main issue.

Today, Facebook is annoying in that it had become...pedestrian. My dog would be on it if he knew how to use a computer.

I find myself having a major crisis each time a high school friend or Filipino business associates connect to me. It's a major operation. I have to adjust privacy settings everywhere.

Why? Because there are things on my Facebook they will never understand. I don't have the patience to explain my life now to them.

On my Facebook are groups of people from my global network who, in many ways, know each other. So we all kinda share the same jokes and anecdotes.

To my Filipino friends and associates, these little things are bewildering. They cannot relate it to the woman they know or the girl they once grew up with.

Even something as simple as me insisting on writing in English most of the time is beyond them.

Well, of course, I have to write in English all the time. My Facebook (as well as this blog) is primarily for my global friends and the global community I move in. A fact I was clearly reminded of when my friend, Darren Sharman (Ahoy, Darren!), could no longer follow a conversation that had started in English and ended up in Tagalog gay-speak.

It is the same with Twitter. I used to be a Twitter addict. Yes, yes, followers and Twitter friends. I am returning. A little more patience, please. You know how slow I can be.

Twitter before was a No Man's Land for a lot of Filipinos. I'd check the Top Filipino Twitters on Grader and there was just a handful.

Today, even radio stations are on Twitter. When Cory Aquino died, everyone including the turtles tweeted about it.

I think it's great that Filipinos are discovering social media. I think it's lovely they're on Twitter.

Unfortunately, I have this sad gut feeling that Twitter will soon become another pedestrian online site in the way Friendster had become, no thanks to us.

I don't know what it is but every time we Filipinos discover something on cyber space, it suddenly becomes baduy. Fine, I'm being an unpatriotic brat, shoot me. But, it's true, you know. Look what we did to Friendster. And we're doing it again now on Facebook and Twitter.

Mga kapatid, now that we've discovered social media, could we all please learn how to use it well?

The Manila Hotel: The Demise Of A Historic Brand

2009-08-10T08:30:00.007+08:00

The Manila Hotel: The Demise of a Historic Brand

It will be Angel's debut this coming February. Naturally, it wouldn't be me if I didn't plan a century ahead.

I was in the Manila area yesterday so I decided to ask at the Manila Hotel. After all, the Manila Hotel is the Manila Hotel.

No, it wasn't.

The Manila Hotel's historic past has made it into a brand associated with old world charm, grace and elegance. And, yes, politics. Still, there was always something grandiose about it. But the grandiosity was not of the Too Dubai kind.

Rather, it was discreet despite being extremely elitist. And, yes, there was just something snobbish about it. That was the brand's attraction, really. The snobbish and elitist air. As if the hotel is too hallowed for lesser mortals.

The brand was bigger than the actual structure. The name alludes to sugar barons, conquistadores, cotillions and the DBF (De Buena Familia). Going there is like visiting your grandmother at the ancestral home.

When I think of the Manila Hotel, I think of Jose Rizal having coffee there with Graciano Lopez Jaena. It is not difficult to imagine MacArthur striding purposefully through the grand lobby as he proceeds to his suite.

That was not the Manila Hotel that greeted me yesterday.

First of all, what is that hideous X-ray machine doing in the lobby? This is not the airport, you know. I understand security issues but, really, an X-ray machine from the Land of the Giants in the lobby of a supposed 5-star hotel? What is wrong with you, people?!

Off I went to the Banquet Sales office.

Understand that this is the Manila Hotel. Of course, I have certain expectations as to how my inquiry will be treated. I'm thinking linen stationery and expensive custom-made folders.

Why am I holding photocopied bond paper? It's not even Corona Bond Paper, for God's sakes.

I was quite prepared to see pricing that would require me to pawn one of my aortas. After all, this was the Manila Hotel.

P895 per head?! P895?! Philippine pesos? ONLY?!

True, if you add 23% in government taxes and service charge, the pricing is up to par with other 5-star hotels. Still, didn't anybody tell them it is not a good idea to make 5-star hotel menus appear cheap? It's a 5-star hotel. Your target market expects you to be expensive.

I'm sorry but I tend to fear a 5-star hotel that would charge me only P895 for an entire set menu. It makes me wonder if I'll really be getting arugula on my salad or...pechay.

The Manila Hotel I knew had interiors whose air reminded you of the Philippines' Spanish colonial past. The Manila Hotel I saw yesterday was...I don't know what it was.

For a moment, I thought I had accidentally wandered into Chinatown. I was half-expecting to see a golden cat with a waving hand perched on the reception desk.

Not that there is anything wrong with Chinatown. But this is the Manila Hotel. Yes, I keep repeating that because my addled brain still cannot grasp what I saw yesterday.

The brand is supposed to embody Spanish colonialism. I'm no interior designer but even I don't think Chinese dragons and lanterns jive with Spanish colonialism or Filipiniana.

The staff had unpolished shoes. I'm sorry but I'm a marketing consultant. I notice these things. Occupational hazard. The sales person handling my inquiry had frumpy shoes. Her hair was all over the place and, really, she needs lipstick.

At the Makati Shangrila and Manila Peninsula, the ladies handling my inquiry had beautiful shoes and their eyebrows were impeccably groomed. You just know these hotels were going to yank your innards out with the estimated event cost. No, they were not Parisian shoes. They were Nine West albeit on sale.

Did I tell you some of the Manila Hotel's window panes were broken? Their garden needs a gardener. The trees need pruning. And they should really re-train their staff on customer service.

As I left the hotel, I saw the 4 white stretch hotel limos parked at the entrance. How sad that the Manila Hotel should deteriorate to this terrible state.

The Manila Hotel is a very sad example of how a great brand can die a very ugly death.

Manila Bulletin, what did you do to this grand dame?!

Photo Credit: Tribo.org

I Must Return

2009-08-02T09:13:00.003+08:00

I Must Return

I was reading my blog's archives and couldn't help but feel sad.

There was a time I enjoyed and looked forward to writing on my marketing blog. This was my sanctuary from the maddening world of marketing. Here, I could breathe life into my forbidden marketing thoughts.

Back then, I wrote for me, not an audience. Everything I wanted to say but couldn't and shouldn't in polite marketing society, I said it all here.

But then, ego issues took over.

Slowly, I felt insecure that no one else was reading my marketing blog but my pathetic little self. I saw other marketing blogs that write about marketing crap and, yet, have legions of followers. My self-esteem slowly dove and, FYI, the diving of one's self-esteem is never a pretty moment.

And so it was that I found myself writing for an audience.

I found myself censoring my thoughts and reviewing my own postings as I would a communication material. By God, I'm a brilliant marketing strategist and doncha forget it! So says me in my marketing blog.

Looking at it now, I see my desperation at driving this point across when, really, it isn't my marketing blog that screams my competence as a marketing strategist. It's my work. How could I have stupidly forgotten that in the face of my own gargantuan ego?

Instead of just writing down anything that came to my mind, I started thinking about topics that my target audience might want to read about. Topics that would get hits from Google.

Never mind if I'm not interested in writing about that particular topic.

Suddenly, being on Google seemed to be uppermost in my mind. I forgot why I had created this blog. Somehow, it became all about the rankings, searches and readers.

That's when the exhaustion started creeping in. Writing on my marketing blog was no longer fun. It had become work.

With the exhaustion came laziness, annoyance and resentment. Just thinking of writing a posting for my blog became annoying for me. I started resenting my readers. I know, I know. I'm sorry, people. But, really, it came to that.

It finally took its toll on the way I wrote.

My postings were no longer fun. At least, not as fun as my old postings were. Back then, my postings were hysterically funny despite the sarcasm. At least, they sounded funny to me.

I could spot where I wrote because...well...I was expected to write. I had an obligation to my readers whose attention I desperately courted before. I was writing out of obligation, not out of passion.

I missed those days when I wrote just for the heck of it.

How could I have been so stupidly foolish as to allow myself to forget why I was blogging to begin with? Was I that insecure that I just had to feed my ego every which way I could? Or was I just being my usual annoying overly competitive self?

I dunno. It's only 8am and I haven't had breakfast yet. Not a good time for introspection. This, however, is what I know:

I intend to reclaim this blog from my unhealthy self. Enough with my ego issues. Enough with writing for my readers alone.

Not that I'm ungrateful to all of you. But, if you think about it - why were you on this blog in the first place? Because it was fun reading my postings. Can you honestly tell me that my postings this past year have been fun? Liar. They're all damn boring. It's a miracle my postings have not made you comatose yet.

Don't you feel cheated that my marketing blog suddenly stopped being a fun blog? That it became one of those predictable marketing blogs whose only purpose in life was to gain more business for the blog owner?

My point exactly. You feel cheated and so do I. We're both not getting what we want and used to enjoy from this marketing blog.

Ergo - something must be done.

I have decided to go back to that day when I first created this blog. I shall strive to write again as I did before. I shall pretend my readers do not exist and I am merely writing for my own selfish pleasure.

That's how this blog began and why we had so much fun together before.

It is just time to go back to this blog's authentic self. It's time to have fun again. Way too many psycho marketing strategists out there, I should stop adding to the world's anguish.

Godspeed, Tita Cory

2009-08-02T07:51:00.003+08:00

Godspeed, Tita Cory!

The nation mourns the passing of former Philippine president, Corazon C. Aquino. She succumbed to her battle with colon cancer yesterday.

Eternal rest grant unto her soul, O Lord.
And let perpetual light shine upon her.
May her soul rest in peace.
Amen.

Huh?!

2009-08-01T11:34:00.003+08:00

Huh?!

Why, for the love of God, was actress Lani Mercado elected to San Miguel Corporation's Board of Directors?

San Miguel, for the unenlightened, just happens to be the Philippines' largest food and beverage conglomerate. On its corporate roster are several of the country's strongest brands, one of which, of course, is the world famous San Miguel Beer.

I have nothing against actresses and actors sitting on a corporation's Board of Directors. For as long as one is qualified and possesses impeccable business credentials, why not, coconut?

But - LANI MERCADO?! ARE YOU SERIOUSLY KIDDING ME?!

She is replacing former Cabinet secretary Silvestre Bello III. Let's see. Who is Silvestre Bello III?

Aside from his unforgettable name, I know next to nothing about the man. But the phrase "Cabinet secretary" implies he possesses enough brain power, yes?

Hmmm...aside from all the government positions, it seems Silvestre Bello III is a lawyer by profession. He also sat on the board of Philippine Airlines for almost 5 years.

And Lani Mercado?

Well, I know she's the wife of Bong Revilla, a senator whose list of senatorial achievements escapes me at this moment. Are there?

Aside from the fact that she's got 6 kids with Bong, a string of forgettable movies and her penchant for getting involved in tacky scandals no thanks to her womanizing husband - I cannot really figure out what qualifies her to be on San Miguel's board. She never even went to college because didn't she elope with Bong when she was only 16?

And she's replacing Silvestre Bello III, a lawyer whose past and present professional experience includes being CEO of the GRP Panel for talks with the CPP-NPA-NDF and being CEO of the PNOC? I'd feel very insulted if I was Bello III. You could've replaced me with someone who at least graduated from college, for goodness' sakes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not everyone who has blinding academic credentials can do a decent job of being a board director.

Still. Good Grief! They could've chosen someone who had more qualifications to help run a corporation than just cross-stitching or giving birth annually. What's she gonna do there? Teach the board what's a better sauce to use for kare-kare? Then again, considering the 6 children, she can conduct a free Lamaze class in between meeting breaks.

What kind of drugs are the San Miguel people on?! Whatever it is, I seriously think you people should just stick to drinking beer.

Mercado's appointment comes straight from Malacañang. Only a moron will not figure out that her election to San Miguel's Board has something to do with the coming 2010 presidential elections. San Miguel, after all, has always been riddled with political controversy since the government controls 27% of its shares.

LANI MERCADO?! *gasp for the 1 millionth time.* If I continue gasping some more, I'll hyperventilate. Or choke.

If someone like her can sit on San Miguel's board, this country's economy is certainly going to go to the dogs. The woman cannot even control her husband, what more a corporation with a difficult Board like San Miguel's?

Maybe, my nanny can also sit on the Board of San Miguel. After all, she's my house manager and she manages my household efficiently and effectively.

She knows something about Finance because she handles the household budget. "Sun, ang mahal ng isda! Galunggong na lang binili ko!" (Sun, fish is very expensive! I only bought Galunggong!) Galunggong, by the way, has the reputation of being the poor man's fish.

She's very good with the environment and housing issues. "Bumili ka ng muriatic!!! Madumi ang garahe!!!" (Buy muriatic acid. The garage is dirty.)

She's an expert on energy. "Tama na ang aircon! Mahal ang kuryente!" (Stop using the aircon. Electricity is expensive.) And thus I find myself wilting at the height of summer.

Defense and security is a walk in the park for her. Go ask my security guard and he will wholeheartedly agree. "Jacob!!! Wag kang matulog ha!!!" (Jacob, don't sleep!!!) My nanny can scare the bejesus out of them terrorists by simply bulging her eyes at them.

Really, Ate Helen should sit on San Miguel's Board of Directors.

You know, Bong Revilla should have thought deeply first about his wife's appointment to San Miguel's Board. With her there, his days of beer drinking will clearly be over.

Men are so terribly shortsighted and limited.

Sampling Stories

2009-07-20T00:06:00.005+08:00

Sampling Stories

A few weeks ago, I was grocery shopping. On the aisle where the hair care products are, I encounter the Cream Silk promo girl.

She is the stuff of Product Managers' nightmares.

She's simply standing there hugging a bunch of sachets close to her chest. She stares endlessly at the shelves before her as shoppers wheel their carts past her. Maybe she's practicing telekinesis? I dunno but I certainly hope those products move with all the staring she's been doing.

She decides to approach one shopper and gives out 2 sachets. She then stuffs an entire blanket of sachets onto the shoppers' arm with a vague explanation that everything was free.

I approached her and ask what those sachets were for. I promptly get 2 sachets with an equally vague explanation that they are free samples.

I asked her about the blanket of sachets and she thrusts them into my arms as well. I asked again if she was sure the entire loot was free and she says yes.

"Sampling lang ho 'yan." (They’re free samples.)
"All of them?!" She nods enthusiastically.

Naturally, I grabbed everything unable to believe my good fortune. I would've poured the whole shelf into my cart except people would stare. Do you know how much a bottle of Cream Silk costs?! I could only envy Cream Silk's enormous sampling budget.

When I reached the counter, the cashier informs me that my blankets of sachet weren't free. Sigh. It was too good to be true.

Someone at Cream Silk's marketing department forgot to orient their promo agency and promo girls thoroughly.

As opposed to Nescafe's sampling booths. They've got the most energetic promodizers, it makes you fear caffeine.

"Ma'am, try niyo po ang Nescafe. Masarap po siya." (Ma'am, try Nescafe. It's delicious.)

And before you know it, you've got a cup of brewing coffee right inside your nostrils. Sinus, meet Nescafe.

Have I told you about the Magnolia Chicken person? He has such a funny way of selling chicken that I could just stand there for hours watching him. The boy will become the next big star, I can feel it.

To reward him for his entertaining repertoire, I bought 2 whole chickens and many bags of various chicken parts. I do not know what to do with all that chicken seeing as I don't know how to cook. But if only for his great promotional skills, the boy deserved it.

Sampling is a very good way to induce trial and re-trial.

Often, however, a sampling campaign's success depends on its promodizers. Finding these promodizers is like auditioning for American Idol. Some have it, some don't. Consider yourself lucky if you've got 4 talented promodizers out of 20. The rest are just there to waste your budget.

Word to the wise: It pays to conduct frequent trade checks when you've got an ongoing sampling campaign.

Cost And Worth

2009-07-19T23:55:00.004+08:00

Cost And Worth

My most recent favorite movie line is, "Cost and worth are 2 different things." Delivered in a very sexy, very crisp British accent. Sigh. Drool. Sigh. From the movie, Confessions of a Shopaholic. Yes, I watch shallow movies, shoot me.

Lately, I've taken to remembering that line quite frequently.

This is what recession has done to consumers and clients. They are more demanding now when it comes to value for their money.

I should know.

I've been scrimping on getting waxes for sometime now. Oh, shut up. It's disgusting and gross, I know. But we're in the midst of a recession, people! Between underarm waxes and 2 whole chickens, which do you think will I go for? Exactly.

There's always the razor or tweezers, you know.

I'd rather shave and risk having underarm chicken skin than run after a real live chicken. I can do the former in my bathroom while the latter is just very Old Macdonald.

Clients these days want many things but balk at the cost of such things. I've taken to doodling whenever they ramble on and on about their wish list.

"Let's have a tri-media campaign." (Okay. Doodle again.)
"I want a website that does this, this and this." (Sure. Doodle again.)
"We should have TVCs on prime time." (Are you on drugs?! Doodle again.)
"I want full page, full color ads every weekends on all the major broadsheets." (You ARE on drugs. Doodle again.)

A recession should not halt your marketing. In fact, you should get going with it albeit more creatively. And by that, I mean that your Financial Comptroller doesn't scream many decibels higher than usual.

You can cut corners in some areas of your marketing by substituting it with non-traditional yet effective strategies and tactics.

Unfortunately, there are just certain things that cost in life.

We may perceive some things to be very costly but that doesn't mean they're not worth the cost. What could be costly may carry a value that transcends mere pesos and cents. True, not everything expensive is effective and efficient. By the same argument, however, not all that is affordable is effective or efficient either.

For instance, I know of a budding entrepreneur who doesn't want to hire a marketing strategist. (No, clients, it's none of you. Relax. How can it be you? You already have a marketing strategist. Me. Duh.)

Budding Entrepreneur insists on doing all his marketing by his lonely self. No problem except his retail outlets are now spread all over Metro Manila and its nearby areas.

If we're talking about 3-5 outlets, fine. DIY and knock yourself out while you're at it. But 16?! You want to do marketing for all 16 outlets by yourself?! How many cups of coffee do you drink in the morning? I seriously think you should cut it by half and drink decaf, for the Lord's sakes!

Marketing isn't the only thing a corporation or business needs in order to survive, thrive and succeed. There are other aspects of business that requires the attention and care of the owner, president, COO or CEO.

Man cannot live by marketing alone, you know. Yes, it pains me to say that but it's true.

While doing solo marketing for 3-5 outlets is manageable, doing the same for 16 outlets is just...stupid. You may think you saved a lot by scrimping on marketing talent. In reality, that decision probably cost you more.

Because, with 16 outlets, you're now running yourself ragged getting from Point A to Point B in what shall soon turn out to be a haphazard store and trade check. Have you seen the SLEX traffic lately? I do not recommend it for those with ulcers.

There's also the bazillion other things you must do before a marketing campaign flies. And what about Operations? Purchasing? Finance? Logistics?

Should we just leave all those to God, then? Last I heard, God was preoccupied with the Indonesian hotel bombings. And Michael Jackson who insists on teaching St. Peter how to moonwalk.

The next time you use that infamous recession phrase, cost cutting, it will do you well to ponder deeply on the worth you think you are gaining by doing so.

What To Write On A Marketing Resume

2009-06-13T14:07:00.003+08:00

What To Write On A Marketing Resume

We're in a recession. Many people have been fired. I'm sure the resume mill is a very busy bumblebee at this moment.

I don't know what HR people look for in a resume. Or, how they determine which resume makes the grade. I just know what I want to see on the resume of a marketing professional.

Here, then, are my tips from the weary eyes of The Marketing Girl:

Tip No. 1: Use a professional looking photo.

Tyra Banks once said that, if you're model material, your passport photo should look fierce. Sadly, we are not all Tyra Banks no matter how our mothers insist we are. Ergo, do not rush to the nearest Kodak World and have one of those instant 3-minute photos. I know you need a photo but does it have to be a mug shot?

I also know that photos alone do not snag a job. But, I shy away from photos that remind me of a death squad. You never know. Better safe than sorry.

An applicant once sent me a resume with a photo of the Banaue Rice Terraces beside her picture. To this day, I am still baffled by it. While she remained memorable, I didn't hire her. I might find myself holding office in Batad. Horrors.

Tip No. 2: List your core competencies on the first page.

Unless you've managed to bail General Motors out of bankruptcy singlehandedly, I would prefer not to wade through years of "Responsibilities and Tasks." I already know the responsibilities and tasks of a senior marketing executive. I am one. Therefore, do not remind me again of my life in 3 pages, Times New Roman, size 12.

I like seeing a summary of core skills immediately so I don't have to go blind from reading 3 pages of repetitious drivel. It's like searching for the Ark and no one ever found it except Harrison Ford. Do I look like Harrison Ford? Exactly.

How many times do I have to read "Conceptualized and created marketing campaign" before I go brain dead? Of course, you conceptualized and created a marketing campaign. You are, after all, applying for a senior marketing position. Duh.

Tip No. 3: Spare me the motherhood statements.

I am a team player, hardworking, creative, flexible...blah blah blah. Frankly, dear, the only thing I'm interested to read is this: "Willing to work long hours." Other than, do not give me the traits of your astrological sign.

Tip No. 4: Skip the personal details.

I don't care if you're a midget or as huge as a barn. I do not care if you are single and co-habiting with a cat. Neither does it matter to me which church you worship in. Or if you even have a religion. Remove all the useless personal details before any of my clients' companies get sued for discrimination.

What I only care about is that you can do the job. Period. That, and the fact that you can at least reach the computer table and fit in your chair. We do not have a budget for extra large chairs, sorry.

Oh, It would be helpful if you can mention you are married to a living nightmare. Forewarned is forearmed. I always appreciate advance warnings. It leaves me with time to shop for a Kevlar.

Tip No. 5: Keep it within 2 pages.

I'm sure even Jack Welch can keep his resume down to 2 pages. After all, what else is there to say after "President, GE"?

Contrary to popular belief, a resume of encyclopedic proportions is not a happy thought. So I don't really understand why fresh graduates insist on kilometric resumes. You just got out of school. I don't expect you to have invented a nuclear bomb while studying Philippine history.

Tip No. 6: List hobbies, special skills and other personal interests.

I like knowing you have a life. I get scared with resumes that are all work and no play. It screams "Psycho!" This is the kind of person who would probably torture me if I made the mistake of giving him a low performance appraisal.

Tip No. 7: Proofread your resume.

You're in marketing, for the Lord's sakes. You cannot write with less than flawless English. Speak, yes. Write, no. I refuse to waste my entire day correcting grammatical errors on a memo that simply announces a new promo. And seriously, as a senior executive, don't you think you should at least know how to write well in English?!

That, boys and girls, are my tips - a result of wading through mountains of resumes for many, many years.

With these tips on what I want to see on a resume, I hope the HR people will now stop hexing me.

P.S. If you are an expert in Adobe Photoshop, it pays to highlight that part. We're in recession. Marketing people prefer to avoid ad agencies for the time being. That's why we hire hapless assistants.

Marketing Life During Recession

2009-06-13T13:50:00.007+08:00

Marketing Life During Recession

A few days ago, my food stylist friend and I were talking about the impact of the economic crisis on the marketing and advertising world.

No wonder I had indigestion. Why would anyone with a sane mind discuss this on a famished stomach? And I thought I just had too much gnocchi.

He says that the bulk of his business now comes directly from clients, not the ad agencies. I'm not surprised. Most of my clients now wouldn't want to touch that 17.65% ASF when belts are being tightened. The world of freelancing has never looked more enticing to marketing budgets that are constantly being slashed.

Yesterday, I had millions to spend for a year's worth of marketing. Today, I'd be lucky if one flies off with the original budget I had set for it. I've come to fear the word, "Hold!" As in hold your breath while we figure out if we should still run with that campaign. I'm still holding my breath and I suspect I'll expire soon as exhalation is nowhere in sight. Yet.

Where I had agencies at my disposal to execute even the dumbest marketing collateral, I now find myself scrounging around for small media companies who would pity my minuscule budget to produce an AVP. At the rate I'm going, I'll have to resort to YouTube as my primary media channel. I'm even learning now how to enhance my Windows Movie Maker skills. I kid you not.

Still, I've got freelancing friends who are going through very rough times. Competing for projects have gone to shark feeding frenzy levels, I'm grateful I have not been forced to join the fray yet.

I'm beginning to dread the coming quarter when marketing budgets will be negotiated upon and approved. I find "approved" a quaint word. In principle, your budget is approved. In reality, it is a dream from which I shall wake up immediately. And not in a good way.

I'm equally fearful of the slew of business reviews that will soon begin. Pray tell, how do I explain the pathetic sales performance? Costs are up, less customers, the global economy, world peace...yada yada yada. I need some creativity here, people. Creativity to explain why that graph is going down and fast. Let's hope it's just the sorry state of my Excel skills that made the graph dive. At least, I can always say I'm a moron when it comes to identifying rows and columns.

This really should be the finest hour for the corporate landscape. Which probably explains all the motherhood statements that senior executives like me spew at quarterly business reviews. Except...who am I kidding?

I see all those figures and, frankly, the panic I feel overwhelms me. It takes a will of Atlas proportions not to resort to panic-driven strategies. Very hard to accomplish when you've got CEOs and COOs breathing down your neck. No wonder I've been going through my Paxil stash like a demented woman.

They say things are going to get better soon. When is soon? Like before I have my first grandchild? Or when Mars is determined habitable for humans?

For now, though, we just need to grit our teeth through this crisis. As if I'm not suffering from lockjaw now.